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But I think you're a nice-looking gentleman." Still, it's rejection, and a lot of men take it hard. A rambling e-mail is better than "u a hottie." It's from a guy with the screen name "watchmeontelevision." Who could it be? "Never will we share a malbec overlooking the Rio at CÛrdoba in Argentina," writes one Harley-riding architect. Never will you look into mine." A bit over-the-top, but I know what he's saying. A woman would gladly give anything to a man who is "in control".to be with a man who knows his way around women: a man who knows how to treat a lady, who knows exactly what to say and do... Unfortunately, the "stuff" they normally do to ‘convince’ a younger woman to like him back actually end up pushing her further away...One guy begins his introductory essay, "When I was a child, I witnessed a clown jump to his death from a seven-story building. It was the only time a clown has made me laugh." So I write him back on behalf of Michelle: "You're funny, but too dark for a sweet girl like me." Both of which are true. A few days later, he changed his profile to an essay about his love of Care Bears and snuggling. A martial-arts enthusiast admits flat out that he's not worthy of Michelle but wants to let her know that "you are gorgeous." A forty-one-year-old classical musician writes, "Not being striking in the looks department, I am someone who needs a chance to show his intellect and soul. He apologizes for the length, but "they just flow out of me." I don't mind. "I must confess that I am currently involved with someone but quite frankly am looking for a girl on the side...."As you noticed I have no photo to share but I periodically represent my company on national TV. And I realize how hard that will be when the first impression is made by pictures and written words, but I most sincerely hope you will give me the benefit of the doubt." You want to take these guys out for a milk shake. Michelle and I send them encouraging notes: "You are a bit out of my age range, so I don't think it will work out. Most of these guys are too lazy to form a complete thought. I'll be on [show you've never heard of on a minor cable network].
Of course, she only made the offer because she knew there was no chance Michelle would ever be interested. • If the guy is wearing sunglasses, any hat besides a baseball cap, or is bare chested in his main photo. Yes, at first I feel guilty about failing to respond to 70 percent of these guys. And in a way, it makes me feel better about my life as a single man. He's got a warm, unforced smile, and he's humble, but not falselyhumble. It's an amazing ego massage, sending e-mails as a beautiful woman. I type one moderately witty thing -- not even moderately witty -- and I'm fucking Stephen Colbert. His opening photo shows him with his arm around a pretty woman with large breasts, as if to say, "I hang around with hot, large-breasted women, so if you are a hot, large-breasted woman, you should also hang around with me." He likes to "work hard and play harder." He is "VERY spiritual." Michelle is not a handful. I think the fucker is employing an underhanded strategy. [increasingly graphic description here of the licking] also...i really want to see more photos." I write back: "I'm afraid there's been a terrible misunderstanding. I feel guilty enough to write a softening note to the TV guy -- who had apologized for making me feel dirty.
Yes, it was a joke, but there was an underlying sense of despair. "I made it in response to you." Men will do anything for you. It's with the scientist guy who wears a lot of Patagonia jackets in his photos. I spend an hour tracking down his real name on the Internet.
He e-mailed Michelle that he really wanted to meet her. I keep staring at my cell phone, jittery as a dad with a daughter at the prom. "It really isn't for me." She's surprisingly sensitive. (I know his alma mater and his specialty in marine biology.) I consider showing up outside his office and asking him why he's an emotional retard. Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes.
I respond: "What gives you the idea that I'm sometimes a handful? One major strategy Strauss talks about is to mildly insult a beautiful woman, lower her self-esteem, thus making her more vulnerable to your advances. Finally, he brings out his trump card: "Considering that I know most of the people in the book personally from before the book was released, I'm gonna have to disagree."Aha. "Being a business guy who's ballsy enough to try to be on television, contemplating running for political office" -- wait, did he just say he was contemplating running for political office?
So I e-mail handful guy as Michelle: "Have you read the Game by Neil Strauss? I hit the sleazeball jackpot, a longtime pickup artist. " He asks me to watch him and tell him what I think. Afterward, I e-mail to ask if he was flirting with the host. -- "moving to ten states for my job, romantic fantasies.